A Path Through

Ah the boob squish, also more formally known as the mammogram.

I will admit that at 51, I have only had 2 mammograms in my life. The first was in November 2013 to look into a small dot that appeared on a CT scan for an unrelated issue; and the second was at the start of the path I am now on.

For those of you who have never had one of these scans, I will walk you through it as I believe that TV and movies don’t quite capture the experience.

Imagine the following; you are invited into a dimly lit room that is kept at a temperature that would make a penguin reach for a sweater. A smiling stranger will introduce themselves and then tell you to strip from the waist up. That’s it, straight to the chase. No small talk or getting to know each other, just whip the girls out. Now, it is important to note that this is a medical professional who sees breasts all day. They have seen big, small, saggy, perky, all colors of breasts, it is their job. Thinking about it that way should make you feel more comfortable, or so I am told. Basically, the message is that unless you are walking in with more than two breasts, they will not bat an eye.

Okay, back to standing naked from the waist up trying to stand in a nonchalant way with your arms crossed across your chest. The very professional stranger will ask you a few questions, it’s not a test and everything is focused on the breast. How often have you been for a screening? Do you have concerns? You know the standard questions involved with standing in a room half naked with a stranger.

From there, they will take one of your breasts (warning – cold room equals cold hands) and move you towards the odd looking machine that has a clear shelf that is chest high. Then they will move you through a series of yoga poses to get into the correct position to then lower another portion of the machine onto your breast until it resembles something you could order from IHOP. For those who need a visual, imagine putting a breast between 2 hard cover dictionary’s and then attaching a mechanical vice. Cool eh?

The technician will now smile, step away and as they do they will ask that you don’t move. To me, this seems like an odd instruction as you are standing with the jaws of life clamped to your naked breast, but hey who am I to judge. The final instruction is to hold your breath and if you are me, that is the signal for a quick version of “Jingle Bells” as you see how far you can get before you are once again allowed to join the world of the breathing. At that point, you will hear the magical sound of the machine releasing its grasp and you can step away and wait for the next picture.

During this short break, you will again go to your casual “nothing to see here” naked pose until you need to step up and do the dance again. Four pictures will be taken, two of each breast, side and top…kind of like boobie mug shots!

Once done the technician (who by this time should be considered a close personal friend considering they have have seen more of you than you would normally offer on a first encounter) will tell you that you are done and can get dressed. Personally, I feel that I could represent Canada in the Olympic sport of redressing, as my girls are back in their packaging, top, jewelry, and coat on it 3.4 seconds flat!

The final step is the most important. Before you leave, say thank you to the person who did your scan, never forget to say THANK YOU.

And that is it, 5 minutes of discomfort leads to the knowledge all is good, or the start of a journey to find a path through…..