A Path Through

So I am certain that everyone knows that google is great for finding information on a million and one REALLY important things that you need to know in life, including where to find vegan friendly underwear, if you can die from having the hiccups (there is not direct link to hiccups and death, honest…google it) and whether a man cold is worse than child birth.

I will admit, I am a google addict. I LOVE google. If there is something you need to know, google it! It is AWESOME. That said, I have quickly learned that when you have cancer, google can quickly morph into something that may be no longer informative and move to destructive. The more your seek answers, the deeper you can sink into a weeping puddle of despair as you plan the music to be played at your funeral.

Before I continue, please let me add the disclaimer that if you, or a member of your family work for google, you may want to stop reading and head over to another post …just a suggestion.

As part of my 12 step program for google addiction (for those who have stopped reading and are now googling whether this is a real thing, I am on Step 3 – Admitting to your google-diction). I will openly share that at the first indication that something was not normal, I was on google searching up everything. In fact, before my biopsy I had already diagnosed myself. Of course I was wrong….surprising I know.

In the first few weeks of this journey, I spent hours reading, rereading, and applying my newly acquired (but very advanced if I do say so myself) medical knowledge to drug evaluation papers, life expectancy reviews, clinical trial outcomes, medication usages, etc.

But the truth is with each article, the impact of my google behaviour was actually having the opposite results. Instead of building knowledge, I was sinking into a state of despair and mourning a life that as per google, I will not have much more of.

It was telling that on my first meeting with my Oncologist, when I casually admitted my google activities, her response was quick and clear, STOP THIS IMMEDIATELY. Now, I am fairly certain this was not because she felt threatened by my exceptional clinical prowess, rather it was the fact that I am not a statistic on google.

Since this journey started, there has not been one medical professional that I have met with who does not have a single and united focus – CURE. I have not been at an appointment where they have pulled our excel charts and statics. There has been no PowerPoint presentations or detailed review and discussion on the clinical trial outcomes with the Mayo Clinic. Not one individual has quoted a website, or suggested that I ”google it”. Instead, every single person has been focused on ME and MY cancer, MY treatment options, and assuring I am successful in reaching the end of this journey.

I am not naïve, I know the fight ahead, as does every person who is supporting me; friends, family and an extraordinary medical team. No one is doubting my ability to make it through this. I WILL be at my children’s weddings and I WILL sit and hold the hand of my best friend, my soulmate as we watch our grandchildren play. Google is good but it simply does not know ME.

So with that, I will be taking down my dr.google diploma and placing it in a drawer. In a few months, when I am a bit more battered and bruised and many steps down this uncertain path, I will replace the empty space with a certificate confirming I made it through.

And when the next man cold comes around our house, I will hand my husband the Ipad and suggesting that he google it!