A Path Through

I think it is finally time that I share a bit of an update with you all. But first a few details on where I am on my chemo path.

As of 5 pm today (May 2, 2022), have completed 9 chemo sessions out of a scheduled 12 with the first cycle of chemo meds. I have 3 remaining sessions before I move to the second chemotherapy phase with new medications on May 30. This second chemo phase will have a total of 4 sessions that will have a three weeks rest between each session. So, on the big chemo calendar, I had to complete 16 sessions of chemotherapy in total and have completed 9. This means that with 7 sessions remaining I am over the “halfway hump” of this challenging chemo path.

As I was warned at the start of this path, each week has become more physically challenging. Things I could easily manage in the first few weeks have become more difficult. Fatigue, nausea, nerve, vision, abdominal, taste, blood work issues, you name it, I am dealing with it. In the first weeks of chemo, I could easily count on having three or four good days, whereas now one or two are considered a blessing. The fact is, it does suck, but I was never promised anything different and knew what I was walking into. Chemo is not getting on peoples bucket list for a reason, because they are SMART!

With that said, there ARE moments that give me the strength and encouragement to continue on the path. I have spoken of the impact of the support from my friends and family and how I could not be on this journey without that incredible energy that you give me. You keep me going in moments of challenge and today I want to share some news with you all.

I CAN STILL TASTE ICE CREAM!!! Seriously, for those who know me understand that this is a big thing. Sounds ridiculous, but a little coffee Haagen Daz can make any bad day a bit easier to deal with and a whole pint can wipe out an entire week of issues! Now in reading this, I am pretty certain most of you are thinking this is not the big update and you are correct …but this is a CLOSE second as you should NEVER underestimate the importance of ice cream in ones life.

My update is actually several weeks in the making and I have been cautiously quiet in giving chemo updates. Today, I feel as if I can share a bit of news with you all, so here it goes.

As part of my chemo schedule, every three weeks I meet with my Oncologist (the lovely Dr. Borque) to see how things are progressing. These appointments are focused on how well I am tolerating chemo, balancing out medications to manage side effects, and a lot of Q and A….(I am the Q side as I always have a list!). Every appointment ends with an examination of the right breast and nodes in neck and underarm. This is an entertaining part of the examination as I am incredibly ticklish in the neck/underarm area so unless I am VERY FOCUSED, there is always a giggle guaranteed.

At our first appointment which was 3 weeks into chemo, the discussion was limited to my new shaking issue and really there was not a lot more other than the examination. Before we started, Dr. Borque shared that she normally does not see any indication of the impacts of chemo until six weeks. However, as she examined me, she did identify that there were changes taking place in the breast already. These changes were positive. Given her note on the 6 weeks, her comments left me feeling optimistic, but cautious and uncomfortable with sharing more broadly that we may have found the way to unlock my cancer. It was too soon.

Three weeks later, we were back in the exam room. I had a bigger list of questions and there were many more side effects to discuss. I will say that this was an appointment where I desperately needed something to lift me up, show me that the hills I was climbing on the chemo path were worth it. Right before Dr. Borque started the physical exam, she asked me how I felt. I was brutally honest in saying I was afraid to be positive as I could not handle much more. Oddly, she assured me that what I was feeling was normal (there I go…being normal again!). As she moved through the exam (and there was a giggle) she was very focused and quiet, and then she said something wonderful. She could see a notable change in the breast, the firmness I presented with before we started chemo was gone. The breast was soft and showed signs to support we were on the right path. Yes…that’s right…the chemo appeared to be working! My husband and I walked out of that appointment with a feeling that can not be described given all we had been through over the previous two months. We had an odd feeling of hope, of relief , and we desperately needed this. I did share the update with family and close friends….but oddly…that is where I stopped. Why? Because I was afraid that it was too soon, that too much could change, I was afraid to be too positive and share too much. However, this appointment was enough to get me through what would be some of the most difficult weeks of chemo I would experience to date as side effects worsened and my ability to manage them waned.

The third follow up with Dr. Borque was May 2, 2022…today. Same exam room, different list, new meds to manage new side effects, some tough discussions on what I need to do to make it through the next 3 sessions, and then ….the exam. Before we started, I told her I needed to know if all of this was working and a few tears MAY have fallen. The past 3 weeks have tested me..I am tired and worn down and I needed to hear the magic words. She looked at me and I could just see she got what I was trying to say. Please know I understand and appreciate that a physician is not a god and they can only do their best. You put your trust in them, you hopes, your fears are open to them. I can not speak more highly of my oncologist…she is human while being incredible at what she does. So as we moved through the exam, she smiled, she spoke to the fact there was a small area of density that she compared to feeling like a marshmallow. She then went on to explain that as the cancer dies this type of density can appear as things break down. It is in the marshmallow area that little rouge cancer cells trying to jump the sinking ship will sneak off to, which is the reason we needed to continue with chemo as we kill the remaining rouge cells. She spoke to how happy she was..actually REALLY happy she was with what she was seeing. I am 100% responding to the chemo, the tumour is shrinking, and all signs support we are successfully killing the cancer. So, very simply, we have found the key to unlock me cancer, and we are WINNING!

As I mentioned at the start of the blog, today marks my ninth chemo session out of a total of sixteen. We are over the halfway point with a focus on completing this section of the path through by August. It has been a difficult journey that has challenged me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have immense respect for ever person who has had to walk the chemo path and each of them are warriors in my eyes. The reality is, the rest of this chemo path will not get easier as we move to the final session, however knowing we are already seeing success is all I need to push through even when I feel as if I do not have the energy to take another step on the path.

I am very aware that there are more hills to climb ahead on the chemotherapy portion of this journey, but for a short moment I am going to just sit and enjoy the ray of sunshine shining on my path today and I might just have a BIG bowl of ice cream as I enjoy the sun! The next steps on the path through can wait until tomorrow and by that time I will be ready to take the next step and face the next challenge on the path through.