A Path Through

So if you happen to remember from my initial Genetics blog, several weeks ago, I put (well to be correct Lifelabs did) four vials of my chemo boosted genetically filled blood on a plane to California. The goal was not for my blood to have a vacation, visiting places like Disneyland or trying to get a selfie with a Kardashian. Rather, my red liquid of genetic unknowns headed to a lovely genetics lab that would assess if I am A) genetically predisposed to certain types of cancer and B) have genetic BRCA mutations. Oh the excitement!

The outcome of this testing would determine whether my only surgical option is a full bilateral mastectomy with ovaries removed (if there is BRCA mutation) or if I have other surgical options that can be considered. Additionally the results would determine whether there is a need for both me and those genetically related to me to become more aware of the greater chance of specific types of cancer impacting their lives or returning in other areas. So, my blood had a great deal of pressure on it to prove that it had good things to prove….like A LOT!

Last Wednesday, I got the call from the clinic that the results of the genetic testing were back and the follow up appointment needed to be scheduled. As my head voice (you have been introduced to Jiminy in previous blogs) started to chirp away as soon as it heard “appointment”, I dutifully asked for the first available appointment, which was Friday at 1130 and I booked it. Just have to say, Jiminy was stunned into silence with my follow through!

I will be honest, the following two days were ones of worry for me. The reality that the results were here made everything real. My head was very much aware of the impacts of either outcomes. My heart was not really speaking with my head. Instead it was telling cancer to “Get Lost” and screaming “you took my hair, my energy, and my cancer life innocence…you are NOT GETTNG MY TATA’S TOO!!). My heart has a bit of attitude at the moment and it is clearly not a fan of cancer!

Over the next two days, I prepared for the reality of being told I had genetic mutations. I investigated the surgical procedure for a bilateral mastectomy with ovary removal as well as the recovery and emotional impacts of dealing with it. I did this with a focus on the experience for the patient (remember, I am no longer a practicing Google physician). I also looked for mastectomy bras (people there is a whole business opportunity in developing PRETTY mastectomy bras …someone needs to run with this!)? I also looked into breast reconstruction experiences.

Additionally, I made a list of everyone I needed to advise of my genetic outcomes so I could let them know, explain what it means, and allow them to determine their own testing “next steps”.

I also allowed myself to be somewhat positive and looked into mastectomy, lumpectomy, and reduction surgical procedures and recovery related information. I didn’t spend a great deal of time with this area as honestly this was not the expected outcome. Reality is, it is always easier to believe in the negative.

By Friday morning , I have to say I was ready for whatever the call yielded. I was ready… but I was scared..and worried. By 1030 the tension was growing and the minutes were slowly ticking by. Then at 1100 the phone rang with the familiar Unknown call display, but I was not expecting my call until 1130. So when I answered I was expecting that it was someone telling me I owed taxes and was going to be arrested because my visa (from a bank I don’t use) had weird charges from Amazon who also were going to arrest me for not sending $1000 to the Saudi prince who in return would give me $100,000 from his fathers will. You, know…THAT unknown caller (or version of it) that you can never really block!

But low and behold, it was my genetic counsellor! There was a scheduling issue and she wanted to know if I could meet earlier! It was almost as if the people watching over me knew I needed a break.

So there we were, the genetic counsel Genevieve, my husband and me on speaker phone ready to start one of the most important conversations on this journey. I could hear my heart beating faster, and when I looked at my husband, the stress could be read on his face. For both of us the question was would our positive news streak continue this week, or would cancer win this one battle? At that point, the results were shared.

Folks, the positive streak CONTINUES! I have tested negative in ALL the important areas! I do not have any mutations, I do not have any genetic links to other cancers, I am negative, negative, negative, which is oh so wonderfully positive!! As she talked, I quietly cried, and my husband brushed away a tear as well. Finally, we were seeing the tides turn in this battle, and we had another win against this despicable disease!

As I sit here typing, I must admit husband was very positive as we waited for the results never verbally saying anything that was not grounding for me and very much focused on positive outcomes. What he might have been dealing with in his head and heart may have differed from what he said to me, but that can not be held against any husband/ partner supporting a wife/ partner through breast cancer. So with this in mind, I think it is time for me to go beyond my normal “I was less correct than normal and you were less wrong than normal” response to him and officially say “I was wrong wrong…and you were the opposite of wrong! “.….(oh that felt odd to say..but he really deserved this!).

With the phone call on Friday, the path I am walking has now taken a small change of direction as my surgical options have now expanded and cancer being a more significant part of my life seems slightly less possible (stressing slightly).

The next steps will be meeting with my oncologist on May 18th to assure I fully understand pros and cons for every option. From there I meet with my surgeon, Dr.Janzen and plastic surgeon Dr. Lee, the final surgical decision will be confirmed and scheduled. If all goes to plan, surgery will occur in early September.

It might sound REALLY weird, but surgery brings a bit of excitement for me. The thought of getting this out of me makes me happy. I want this cancer dead, destroyed, and out of my body. I will spend so much time fighting to kill it through chemo that I just want the next step to be the removal of any trace of it…I want it GONE!

With the genetic testing results known, the path through has become slight clearer, but by no means easier. There are many more hills and valleys ahead, and if I am lucky a few flat and easy portions as well. However, with my new knowledge , I will walk the path feeling slightly lighter and more positive and this alone makes the walk all that more easier, even if it is just for a short period….and while I am stepping along the path I will practice telling my husband that he was less wrong than normal!