A Path Through

One year… a mere 52.143 weeks,  365 Days, or 8760 hours if you like to get really down to the nitty gritty.  This is how much time has passed since I had surgery to remove the unwanted invader in my right breast.

It doesn’t seem like a lot of time, yet it has been a lifetime…for a new life.  This is a life where I am having to learn HOW to live as someone who has had cancer.  Not going to lie…this is a tough one to get used to.

First of all, what has the past year looked like? Well here is a quick synopsis.

• September and October were focused on healing.  Chemo had taken a toll on my body and had resulted in a slower than expected bounce back from surgery. For someone who sets the bar of expectations a bit high, this was a tough pill to swallow.

• November and December saw me complete 15 sessions of radiation and finally able to ring the bell signifying that I had made it through my treatment journey. I welcomed Christmas with the knowledge I was cancer free. Oh yeah…there was this other little item where every movement I made caused me pain. Every joint, every muscle…ached…24/7.

• In January, I had my solitary horrific experience with the BC Cancer Agency as I was discharged from radiation. In a 10 minute appointment, I was advised by the doctor that I could have bone cancer (because this could be the ONLY reason for full body pain and yes, he said this without so much as a touch or examination) and the pain and firmness in my right breast was lymphedema and that I would have it for life, no one knows how to manage it, and I may need a better bra. This was said with disregard for the fact that the mass was present 3 days post surgery (oh the blog coming on THAT one). This individual then discharged me from radiation unit and sent me on my merry way….to cry in my car on the way home as I didn’t want to have to fight again so soon.

• Moving forward to February, my family physician assured me that the body pain that I was feeling was post chemo impacts (yes….it stays with you for awhile and yes…she actually examined me).  She also referred me back to the Breast Health Clinic and the very capable hands of Dr. Janzen to see what was happing in the new apple.  Unfortunately, this appointment when a bit awry as an ultrasound indicate an anomaly.  Which when you are a few months post cancer treatment, is a knife in the heart…or breast.  A needle biopsy was scheduled for April, however was quickly rescheduled when they realized that they could not ask someone so fresh from cancer treatment to wait 6 weeks. 

• March was a busy one, including the aforementioned needle biopsy (at the end of several weeks trying to gain the strength to fight again).  However, on the day of the procedure and after a flurry of activity with the techs and a quiet consult with the radiologist, I was sent for a STAT mammogram as the radiologist did not see what he needed to biopsy.  I would like to say that my first mammogram with my new apples (one of which is oh so unhappy and sore) was…interesting and I may have sped through “jingle bells” in record time in a desperate attempt to end the process quicker.  That said, I am incredibly thankful to the kind and more importantly gentle tech who walked me through my new dance routine. I was then whisked back to the biopsy room only to be then told to get dressed and wait for Dr. Janzen.  It is important to understand the last time I was told to do this she told me I most likely had cancer, so yes…there was a bit of fear bubbling at this point. However, this time Dr. Janzen happily confirmed that the mammogram showed all clear, there was no need for a biopsy, and she believed what was happening was related to post radiation impacts. Adding to this appointment outcome was the bone scan that was booked to confirm what we hoped to be true, which was that there was no cancer in my bones. Relief….that how I would describe March.

• April saw my family taking a much deserved vacation to celebrate our win over cancer as we jetted off to Hawaii and cruised back home.  Yes, I swam with the fishes and turtles, enjoyed the sunshine and for a few short weeks, I forgot I was a cancer survivor (well, I did my best to forget this, but the scars were still fresh).

• May saw reality come rushing back including a referral to a Manual Lymphatic Drainage Massage Therapist in an effort to help with the painful swelling on my right side.  Through my initial appointment I learned that radiation:
  • Impacts your body for up to a yearCan impacts the tissue radiated for longerComplicates the already challenging situation related to scar tissue forming a “dam” that impacts the body’s efforts to get rid of swelling
• And of course, lymph nodes already compromised (with the removal of a few), impacting drainage
• All of was information I did not think to ask at the start of radiation in November as my focus was on the moment and an overwhelming need to just make it through to the end. Looking back, if I could tell my younger self anything it would be to ask more questions about future impacts as things such as sunburns will heal…..and the focus needs to include the future.

• June and July were all about assessing whether the mass in my right breast was more than the original little golf ball that formed the first week after surgery. I will say there is nothing like having a stranger massage your tender chest in an effort to try and convince the swelling to leave your breast. As lovely as she is, I don’t think I will be looking to book family vacations with her! However, I can say the therapy is working…it hurts….but we can see that the mass is the same size as it was on day one….it just REALLY likes to swell.

• August saw me receive confirmation of my first 6 month follow up mammogram.  The big day is September 16^th and the goal will be to get a better idea as to whether the mass can be addressed in other ways…and that that no cancer is seen sneaking around.  I am not going to give that last notion much thought at the moment because…very simply I can’t.  There was another thing that took place in August, which was that my family, including my dad, went to one of my favorite places – Alaska.  We were actually booked to take this vacation a year ago, however I needed to cancel after I found out I had cancer and my surgery was scheduled on the day we were set to depart.  So, we were a year late, but this was an important trip to me as this was MY healing trip.  I also need to share…I saw otters… oh so many wonderful OTTERS!  It was almost as if they understood that I needed to see them, that I needed to  that they were always there for me….floating along…hand in hand…assuring that no one floated away in rough waters.    Yes, I will admit, I cried….I tried to not be obvious, but there were tears….I know….it’s otterly ridiculous.

So here we sit one year later, September 7, 2023.  I truly hope that 525,600 minutes from today, I will be able to write a far shorter update that will end with the fact that I have started to adapt to a life as a cancer survivor.  As I mentioned, this is a challenge as I have yet to have a “normal” and am trying to find my footing on this new portion of this path that I am on.  I am also focused on assuring that the update ends with me celebrating that I have made it another year without having to fight cancer again.  I know my journey with surviving breast cancer continues and it is understanding what the path may look like that can be slightly unnerving.  However, with each step I take, I find that I am a bit stronger and the weight seems to be a bit lighter and the hope is that September 16^th will bring another ray of positivity shining on the path forward.